Today, I have been married for half my life, the exact same number of days spreading out on either side of a rainy September evening in 2002.

I was on my honeymoon the first time I seriously questioned my decision to get married. Not for lack of effort, for lack of commitment, for lack of love, but more because we were setting out to do something impossible.

When you take action on intuitive downloads/desires/dreams/new information, you don’t really know what will happen. Will you get what you seek? Will there be struggle? Will it be easy? Will there be loss? Will it match what you imagine? Will you get what you came for? Which is to say: I didn’t know what would happen when we temporarily moved to Hawaii; I didn’t know if I would get what I came for.

I know that you, too, have grown up in a culture that has taught you to downplay and disregard your deep needs. If you are a mother, you can add the complicating fact that your children have legitimate needs that often interfere with your own. I know how tempting it is to be low-maintenance, low-needs, last in line. Having worked with hundreds of women, I can tell you that it doesn’t work. You’ll never be able to truly get better, feel safe or create the life you desire by being last in line.