The sky was bright blue as I walked across the golden grassy field to sit down by the river, where the cottonwoods grow tall and the northern flickers and magpies come to feast. But there was nothing pastoral about the wind. Gusts over 40 miles an hour buffeted me, causing me to lean forward to keep steady, and I found myself wondering why I hadn’t chosen a more sheltered location for this short walk and a sit.

All the healing work I've done, all the movement and dietary changes and emotional preparation, all the stuff I thought would help didn't give me a different physical experience. In the midst of this, two things happened.