The sky was bright blue as I walked across the golden grassy field to sit down by the river, where the cottonwoods grow tall and the northern flickers and magpies come to feast. But there was nothing pastoral about the wind. Gusts over 40 miles an hour buffeted me, causing me to lean forward to keep steady, and I found myself wondering why I hadn’t chosen a more sheltered location for this short walk and a sit.

Was this spontaneous healing supernatural? Did something happen that “shouldn’t” have? What about my recent healing from insomnia? Since I don’t really understand why going to Hawaii helped resolve the sleep issues, is it a supernatural healing? What about the time I resolved chronic abdominal pain by placing one finger at the source and another to a corresponding thread at my throat and wept and wept and wept? Is that a form of supernatural healing?

When you take action on intuitive downloads/desires/dreams/new information, you don’t really know what will happen. Will you get what you seek? Will there be struggle? Will it be easy? Will there be loss? Will it match what you imagine? Will you get what you came for? Which is to say: I didn’t know what would happen when we temporarily moved to Hawaii; I didn’t know if I would get what I came for.

This morning, I stood in front of this empty bathtub for a full 90 seconds trying to ignore the inner voice that said "Take a bath. Take a bath now." I didn't really want to take a bath because there are only so many (kid-free) hours in a day and I just wanted to get shit done.

Today, I had an encounter that reminded me that our experiences of safety and agency are often being overridden by those around us and how that experience begins at a very young age.